I am starting to feel free to dream again. I am hopeful and excited about where we might be 1 year from now in regards to our living situation. You see, I’ve been in a .. funk or something, for the last several years.
I didn’t feel free to dream …
I think it started when my son died soon after his birth in February 2011. We were experiencing financial strain due to the aftershock of the “2008 Recession” and were in the middle of a foreclosure, too. Talk about stress!
In May of 2011, we officially lost our 1400sqft “dream home” on 20 acres in the country and moved to a small (1000sqft) house on a small city lot. We have been there (here) ever since and added 3 more children, two with severe medical and special needs!
But, life was put in a new perspective after losing our son. No doubt, I was living in a fog, but I willingly stumbled through life in the direction God lead us. Because I was (am) desperately clinging to God as He carried/s me through my grief. Looking back now, I can see God’s hand in all that took place.
We have been very thankful for our little home and the fact that it is not on a *tiny* city lot in a subdivision, but is on a little bigger lot with a fenced backyard. It being in town has made our medically-laden life a lot easier than it would have been living 30-minutes away on our 20-acres.
I used to enjoy decorating my house “pre-grief”, but since living here, I have not decorated at all. I gave away pretty much all of our decorations because they were just pointless and unimportant to me. I had experienced the death of my child, after all!
The truth is, I was just too emotionally overwhelmed to even think about decorating our house. I needed easy. Things (life) needed to be simple. My time & energy was put into caring for my children’s needs.
I soon started purging and organizing and ridding our life of stuff. I focused on making our home tidy, organized, simple, and meaningful. But, in some ways, I was just surviving.
I am thankful for the lessons learned. And while I admire others abilities to decorate and I enjoy browsing Pinterest looking for ideas, I am now definitely someone who is very practical. Functionality trumps beauty. If something can be both pretty and serve a purpose, great! But, keep it simple!
But being free to dream (at least a little) brings joy…
If you ain’t dreaming, you ain’t living… that’s what my mom and grandma used to say. I wrote about it before here.
There is a fine line between dreaming and being discontent with what you have now. I was determined to be content with what God gave me… to bloom where I was planted, and I still am.
But, I think that we are finally coming to a place in our life where we just might get to fulfill some dreams that we put on the back burner for the last several years. I am almost afraid to speak these dreams out loud, but I want to share our hopes with you all!
Like, moving to a few acres. Where we can have a little backyard farm. Let our kids run barefoot and get dirty. Raise some animals. Plant a garden and fruit trees. Become a little more self-sufficient. Own a house that I can truly make into our home. Because that’s what “homemaking” is all about, right?
So, I am going to continue to do my best where we are at and strive to be a good and wise steward of what God has given us right now. However, I’m excited to let the planning and prepping begin as we anticipate moving forward towards our dream of owning land, a house, a homestead … and I hope you’ll come along for the ride! Will you?