Wednesday, February 9th, 2011 (part 2 of Elijah’s story)

Please read this first if you are new to this blog. The following post contains graphic details and I pray that nobody be offended.

12am Wednesday, February 9th, 2011… I was woke up by the nurse checking my blood pressure. I could barely open my eyes and I remember mumbling, “is it time?”. The nurse said, “no, we will start at 2am.”.

After the nurse went out, Joey and I could not go back to sleep. We questioned if we were doing the right things. We were scared. We said “goodbye” to the baby we never got to meet. We waited for 2am.

The nurse came in at 2am to give me the medicine that would soften my cervix. She first checked me to see if I had dilated. I had dilated to a 1! My body was going into labor on it’s own! She then gave the medicine. Joey and I were relieved to know that my body really was starting labor without any intervention at all. We spent the next several hours trying to get some sleep… and talked and prayed.

At 7am, the nurse checked me again. I was dilated to a 1.5, but still wasn’t soft enough to start the pit. She gave another dose of medicine to soften the cervix. Dr. W came in and said (once again) that we were doing the best thing for me and baby. I started feeling some mild contractions and tightening of my uterus. They had put me on the monitor at 2am. I was showing some small contractions about every 3 minutes. The contractions got stronger and harder… and then my back started to really ache. I was having back labor. At 1pm, the nurse came in and gave me a double dose of medicine. This time she did not check me. They planned to start me on the pit at 5pm.

By 2pm, I was in so much pain that I asked for an epidural (I had already decided that I would get an epidural this time, since I didn’t think I was mentally strong enough to handle the pain knowing the sad outcome). They didn’t place the epidural until 3pm and the pain wasn’t under control until about 4pm. Within minutes of the pain going away, I suddenly felt “something” sliding out of me. I told my dad and in-laws that they needed to go out, because something was happening (the poor people had been told to go out, then come back in, several times throughout the day, already!)… and we called for the nurse. The nurse started to check me, but then stopped and said, “Yeah, there’s the baby! I’m going to call the doctor!”. Another doctor came in and stood against the wall. “Dr. W is on his way from the clinic. Meanwhile, I’m here if you need me, but don’t push!”, he said. I could feel baby sliding out and I said, “I don’t think I have to push!”. Joey quickly texted my dad “tell Elisa to bring the kids”. It was time. And, I hadn’t even been put on the pit yet!

I was so scared… thinking about how baby was going to get stuck… how baby would be dead when born (doctor had said baby would probably die during labor due to my uterus contracting)… how baby was going to be deformed, etc. I had prayed and begged God to let baby be born alive. I wanted to tell baby “I love you” when it was still alive to hear it. Our oldest child (5) really wanted to see baby alive. We all prayed for that miracle… but didn’t expect to get it.

Dr. W came running in and flipped back my blankets. “Yeah, here comes baby!”, he said. He sat on the edge of my bed and told me to push. I pushed twice (if you can call it pushing, I didn’t have to put much energy into it) and baby was out. It was 4:15pm. The doctors were looking at baby and Joey asked, “is it alive?”. Dr. W started to shake his head “no”, but then stopped. “Yep! It sure is!”. Joey and I cried tears of joy and rejoicing. In the midst of it all… God had heard and answered our prayer! I asked for baby, but they wanted to examine it better before giving it to me. Then Joey went over to have a look. “Is it a boy or girl?” he asked. The doctors said it’s a boy. Our precious baby boy was finally here and alive! Joey said he was squirming and moving, but when they wrapped him in blankets and gave him to me… I only saw him open and close his little mouth. His perfectly formed mouth.

He was beautiful! So perfect in every way. His skin was so soft and strong. He looked like my other boys when they were born. He looked like a perfect newborn, only smaller. We held him and marveled at the work of God. We named him Elijah O’neil. We called him by name and told him we loved him. It was a sad, but blessed time. We were with him for probably a hour before our other kids got to the hospital. We had Josiah come in alone at first. He held Elijah and kissed him. He was so happy that Elijah was still alive. Then Joey brought the rest of our kids in. Hadassah was so sweet. “My baby.” she would say. “I want to kiss baby.” We told them that Elijah was sick and so God was going to take him Home to be with Jesus and make him all better. So bittersweet!

Dr. W took some of the fluid from the water cyst on the back of Elijah’s head to send out for chromosome testing (the only testing we had agreed to). He also told me that my placenta did, indeed, have a tear in it… and once again he told us we had made the right decision… that it was only a matter of time before the placenta had torn completely, resulting in severe complications.

The nurse was checking his heartbeat every 5-10 minutes. Although, we had no concept of time. Time seemed to have slowed down… yet it was going by too fast. Then the nurse said, “his heart is fading… he is passing.”. So, we called in the rest of our family. Our parents and siblings. They crowded around us as the angels carried Elijah Home. My brother-in-law, said the benediction over Elijah and then they sang some songs. I don’t even remember what the songs were and I know I wasn’t singing along with them… I felt at peace, but broken. I knew my heart… my life, would never be the same again. The nurse checked his heart one last time… he was gone. It was 5:43pm. It felt like only minutes… but at the same time, it felt like a lifetime had gone by. Our tiny little angel had left his footprints in our lives’ in only 88 minutes on earth. And now we must live a lifetime without him… may God be our strength!