This has been a hard week. I don’t know why it’s been harder than the last 4 before this one… but it has been. Yesterday marked the 5th week anniversary of my baby’s birth and death.
The five and a half months before that were spent dealing with 4 months of pregnancy sickness and a month of coping with the fact that our baby had something seriously wrong with it.
I still don’t feel like I have physically recovered from the sick part of the pregnancy… plus with all of the bleeding I’ve done in the last 6 weeks… I’m exhausted.
And, we (by ‘we’ I mean our kids) have been fighting cold viruses left and right this winter.
We are in foreclosure and our house is set to go to auction April 29th… that is if the bank don’t accept the short sale offer before then… cuz then we’d have to move out sooner.
Add all of this to our normal life of caring for a very special terminally ill daughter and 3 other children 6 years and younger… and you got stress.
Not to mention, my husband has been training and studying and testing to change his career for the first time in 15 years.
Now I’m wondering if I should even publish this post… I hate complaining, I hate being negative… but today just feels hard.
I miss the baby I never got to nurse, to diaper, to bathe.
I hate mito and all that it means.
I hate that my mom isn’t here and hasn’t been here since I was 21 and was sick/fighting cancer for 4 years before that).
I hate that money (or lack of) matters so much in this world.
Sometimes I want a normal life… whatever that is.
Believe me, I know I am blessed. I love the people in my life. I know that Abigail having mito has even been a blessing… so much was gained through her life. All that happened with Elijah had/has a purpose… I know and believe I have a Savior that died for me…
I know all of this…
But, it’s still plain hard sometimes.
(thank you for being friends I can be honest with)